I Lied Today - And I Felt Good About It....

Beatrice and I needed some items from the grocery store again today; we have small cupboards, no pantry, and just the top portion of a refrigerator-freezer with built-in ice maker for frozen items.  So off I went to the store this morning.  I was able to get all but two items on the list, and I had my little granny-shopping cart filled to the brim, with a bag balanced on top, and another 12-pound bag to carry in my hand.  Contemplating the 1 1/2 mile walk back to the apartment, I opted to call a local taxi.  I made a 'reservation' for immediate pick-up.  After waiting for 25 minutes, I received a call back from the company, saying they were still trying to locate a driver, and did I wish to continue waiting for one, while they continued to search?  I said "no."  As I put the phone away, the local RTD bus that goes by my apartment, drove past the bus stop.  Knowing I would have to wait 30 to 45 minutes for the next bus, I decided to walk back home.
   I had two choices for my path back: along a very hilly, but 12-foot-wide "multi-use" pathway, or a level sidewalk that varies in width between 8 feet and 3.5 feet wide.  I stepped back in the store and used the free weight scale, and found that the cart with all the groceries, minus the 12 pound bag, weighed 90 pounds.  I decided to walk on the level route, along US 36, also known as 28th Street.  So here I am, 5 feet 1 inch, and very round, with white hair pulled back in a pony-tail, wearing orthopedic white sneakers, baggy blue jeans, and a pale blue T-shirt with a trotting horse outlined in black  on it.  I'm wearing my thick glasses, and a fuschia Laurel Burch face mask with brightly colored butterflies on it.  I really don't think I look mean or nasty, dragging a 90-pound white aluminum cart behind me in my right hand, and a plastic grocery bag stuffed full in my left.
   I started walking across the parking lot to reach the sidewalk along 28th Street.  I noticed, off to my left, two young women crossing 28th Street at the bus stop.  As the cart has a low clearance, I was looking at the ground/surface of where I was headed, and was not doing a huge surveillance of my surroundings - I was in an almost empty part of the parking lot...  I became aware that the two young women were approaching me rather quickly and the one in the lead was yelling.  I stopped as she stepped within five feet of me.  A pretty young lady - curly dark brown hair past her elbows, sparkling brown eyes, nice make-up, wearing printed leggings, a clinging midriff top, a pair of $400 sneakers, and carrying a bright blue skateboard with silver glitter embedded in the polymer coating  at an angle over her shoulder, like a cadet carrying a rifle.  The wheels of the skateboard looked as if they  had never touched the ground before.  The second girl looked like a sibling who was 5 or 6 years younger than the first.
   The elder was delivering a diatribe of abuse, directed at me.  "...  You are a fat, stupid old bitchy cow!  You lookin' at me cross-eyed?  I'll slap you silly!  You're going to get your come-uppance, you old cunt!..."  and so on and so forth.  As soon as I realized what she was saying, I put my right hand in my back pocket, and touched my phone.  The two just saw the motion...  After a few minutes, during which time, she inched closer and closer while still spewing verbal acid, she finally took a deep breath and said, "You hear what I'm sayin', you bitch? - Are you deaf as well as ugly?  What you got to say for yourself? - Hunh?" 
   I looked at her and the other girl, and I lied through my teeth.  I said, "Well.  First, I am a retired lawyer.  When I put my hand in my back packet, I turned the voice recorder on my phone on.  I clearly have you recorded making a verbal assault upon me.  If you step closer, I will pull the phone out, and make a video recording of you.  If you touch me, in any way, shape, or form, I will immediately call 911.  The video will be proof of battery, if you touch me without my consent, and I already have proof of the verbal assault, as the recorder is still doing so.  With this proof, the police will arrest you immediately upon my showing it to them.  And we will make sure you spend many years in jail without any chance of parole.  What do you want to do now?"
  The older one yelled, "Fuck!", grabbed the younger girl and marched away - although she was still yelling abuse.  I did not see them again - so far today, anyway.
   My lie?  Of course, I am NOT a retired lawyer.  The other lies are that I own a $6.99 cell phone.  I can make and receive telephone calls and text messages on it.  That is all the little cell phone will do.  I did not - could not - record her yelling at me, and I could not take pictures or make a video recording with it.  But she had no idea.   -  I could have called 911 for police assistance; but the rest was nonsense.
   Sometimes you need to lie for your own good.  I am certain that if I had acted afraid, there would have been trouble from those two.... 
   I do not regret lying to them in the least.